I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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Gen Z Hookup Culture—A Mixed Bag
Gen Z. Everyone from sociologists, psychologists, employers, and certainly previous generations have been trying to discover who they are. What are they into, especially in love and sexual relationships? Is it true that we live in a world of Gen Z hookup culture?
To understand the dating culture of Gen Z generation, it would be worthwhile to take a look at some of what we do know about them first.
3 Stereotypes About Gen Z Traits
Stereotypes are generalized traits that somehow define the traits of a group, not determines the behavior of each individual. That said, here is what we can say about Gen Z.
1. Pragmatic and Practical
The youth culture that is Gen Z is known for hyperpessimism, meaning a realistic view of the world around them and their future:
- They see a world in conflict, financial crises, and a planet in jeopardy of dying
- They believe they will not have the financial opportunities of generations before them
- They admit they will probably never realize retirement income (i.e., social security and personal savings)
At the same time, young adults of this generation are willing to dedicate their lives on working to resolve big issues—especially climate change and DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion). They are ready to demand that organizations they do business with or work for put their money where their mouth is on these issues.
Most Millennials hold to these ideals too, just not with the level of passion as Zers.
2. Individualistic
Gen Z folks rely on themselves far more than earlier generations, thanks to the internet:
- They can do their own research
- They can connect with anyone the world over
- They can shop without the assistance of a salesclerk
Compounded by the COVID isolation, these young people were isolated for such a long period of time and had only their devices for “hookups” with others, via social media and chat rooms. This in itself contributed to the explosion of online dating apps—after all, it’s not like they don’t want relationships, just maybe not in real life all the time. All of this has changed modern dating—a lot—and there’s no shame in any of it.
Related reading: Why Am I Still Single? Navigating Modern Dating
3. Selfish
Selfishness includes the perception of looking out for oneself without any care about the consequences to other people.
For Gen Z culture, the idea about selfishness is that in life, a person is responsible for taking care of themselves without relying on others. They put their own needs and wants first in their life. But the good thing is that they do so without causing harm to others.
And in that selfishness, they are changing how they hook up for sex, love, and romance. The overall idea is they must come first before any types of connections or hookups with others.
3 Things It All of This Means for Relationships
Let’s talk about all the types of hooking up any generation engages in and how Gen Z appears to be handling them all as part of the larger picture we call hookup culture.
1. One-Night Stands
“I had sex with this guy on the first night, and it wasn’t because I don’t respect myself. It was because he looked easy and I didn’t respect him.”
The sexual liberation movement began in the 60s – openly embracing one’s sexuality, practicing free love without commitment, Woodstock, and more—it’s the story of a huge revolution in attitudes toward sex. Hookups purely for sexual enjoyment and nothing further were common and considered normal. Sex was just sex—no strings attached.
Does Gen Z have this type of sex? Of course. College campuses are notorious for drinking parties when inhibitions are cast aside, and two people end up in the sack—often with feelings of regret in the morning. But there also seems to be a decline in one-night stands among both Millennial and Gen Z daters, and not just when in school and partying but for those out and single.
Gender bias is not a thing of the past either. Usually, it’s the female who bears the brunt of the regret. Now, young women embrace the sexual revolution—they just choose not to participate like they used to, preferring activities other than sexual pleasure—becoming friends with potential partners first, seeking companionship before the kissing, the fondling, and any talk of love or marriage. And the male gender has followed suit.
Related reading: 14 Signs a Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious
2. Casual Dating
Zers been exposed to the older pop culture of rom-com media where couples fall in love, have some challenges, ultimately come back together, get married, and live happily ever after. They have come to understand that this is not reality and have totally rejected this schematic of outdated and unrealistic media portrayals.
Gen Z prefers to set out on their own to find out what a relationship means to them and to pursue that.
Today, much of this search for relationships occurs online via dating apps, where intimacy of a different form has taken shape. Establishing a relationship, though, is a bit tough, when there are so many possible partners thrown at them—it can be overwhelming and a bit exhausting. Deeper communication is in store, and “feelings” take a back seat.
This group is far more focused on finding romantic partners that do two things: bring something to the table in a relationship and full alignment with the values that comprise their commitment to a variety of things.
And so, after decades of casual dating being pretty shallow in the beginning, Gen Zers get right to the point—they are not ones to waste their time. And they take the initial emotional aspect out of any match they are given, reserving that for later.
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Here are some interesting statistics:
- 74% of them state they will not match with anyone on a dating app who does share their commitment to green issues.
- 71% state they will never match with someone who has opposing political views, and they want knowledge of that upfront.
- 73% insist that a match must share their sense of humor
- 68% state that a match must love animals
Related reading: How to Start Dating: A Guide You Can Use
3. Being Picky, Thus Being Casual
Another trend that researchers are seeing is that these youngsters are slowing down. Instead of climbing on every match they are presented each day, they are limiting their connection with matches to one a day if it looks like they may be interested. Again, they have limited time, and a relationship is not necessarily their top priority.
Embracing Diversity
Zers are more colorblind than any generation before them. In the same survey cited above, 64% of respondents viewed dating websites not just as an opportunity to date others from all over the planet but to date people of all races, ethnicities, and religions. And they see such diversity as a huge plus, given that they support legal and social justice for all.
Dawn Dating
Another new trend in casual relationships is what is known as the “dawn date,” something that is totally void of sex or romantic relationships, at least in the beginning. Couples who meet online and are geographically close agree to a morning date, for coffee and solid conversation, that gauges their compatibility for an ultimate romantic relationship.
Long-Term Romantic Relationships: Are They Even There?
Once Gen Z folks get past possible sexual encounters as college students or casual sex (yes, it still happens with them), and the hookups on dating apps and social media, they may find that are ready to settle in with one partner.
But they still have their own goals that go far beyond romantic and sexual attraction to and desire for someone. And those come first. Most insist on financial stability, work that they enjoy (job satisfaction trumps income), and general physical and emotional health. And they hold their mates to these same standards.
When they do form that long-term relationship, most couples keep their bank accounts and other financial assets separate. It’s all part of a sign that they will retain autonomy and boundaries for their partnership.
It’s the ultimate hookup in which each retains power over their individual lives, pursues their own goals, and supports their partners with no pressure to be anything they are not. And sex is a part of that hookup, of course.
Today, the older components of this crowd lead a variety of lives. Some remain single; some are married; some have kids; some choose not to. It’s a mixed bag.
Related reading: Values in a Relationship – The Key to Success
Gen Z Hookup Culture: Let’s Recap
While a hookup has a generalized meaning that relates to sex and accompanying negative feelings and opinions, Zers have rewritten the playbook. Whether high school or college students, or singles out on their own, hookup culture has a huge diversity of meanings to this crowd.
Still, some commonalities seem to be in play.
- Casual sex is not the big priority it used to be, especially for women who value bodily autonomy and control without pressure.
- Sexual autonomy means that each individual has the right to their own needs and desires so long as they are not harming anyone else (e.g. ghosting).
- Dating apps provide opportunities to dig into someone’s value systems and beliefs to measure compatibility before a relationship moves forward, and that includes a host of new methods of communication, including video chats, live streaming, and such. Further, the entire planet is their playground for their conversations and, yes, dating – thank you technology. All of this serves to make these young people more open, more accepting of
- Diversity, equity, and inclusion color their world. They are the most colorblind generation thus far, and multiracial dating is common.
- Hookup culture is not all about casual sex, as many incorrectly believe. And this cohort, especially women, is far more aware of the risks, and the need for safety, mutual consent, and boundaries. If casual sex happens, it happens with forethought.
- Relationships are built differently, not at all in the ways previous generations think they should be built. Many begin as friendships and move into long-term and permanent partnerships later.
- In relationships, partners maintain their individuality and autonomy. Men and women are fully equal.
Cherie Hamilton
