Survey: Are Moms Involved In Young Americans’ Dating Lives?

Families can be as different as the relationships within them. Some stay tight-knit over years, some go no contact, some burn and rebuild bridges, and many are this colorful mishmash that’s difficult to describe at all. Still, many young people are closely in touch with their mums and dads, out of genuine care or necessity (hello, high cost of living!). And it’s only natural that grown-up kids eventually start wondering how much their parents should know about their personal lives. They may ask themselves things like, ‘Should I tell my dad about my health problems’, or ‘Should I tell my mom I fought with my best friend’, or ‘Should I tell my parents about my crush?’

As Mother’s Day is approaching on May 11 2025, Hily team wondered how close young daters are to their moms: if they ask them for advice, if they tell them about their dates, or if they even feel safe letting them pick their date. We surveyed 2,700 Millennial and Gen Z Americans and here’s what we learned.

Do Moms Get Modern Dating?

In the age of dating apps and social media, it’s fair to wonder if moms and their grown children are really speaking the same language. There’s ghosting, soft launches, situationships, ‘what are we?’ convos, and the eternal debate over who pays on the first date. The dating world today might feel like an entirely different universe from what our parents experienced.

When asked if those generational differences influence how much they share with their mother about dating, Gen Z women were the most likely to agree—57% said this plays a role. Millennial women followed with 48% in agreement. Among men, 49% of Gen Z and 42% of Millennials could say the same.

But did it all really change that much? Do young people think their moms understand the world they’re dating in? Half of Gen Z women said yes—their moms do get modern dating dynamics. Millennial women were a bit less sure, with 43% giving mum credit for keeping up.

Men were slightly more skeptical. 39% of Gen Z men and 41% of Millennial men said their mothers understand today’s dating scene. That leaves a pretty solid chunk of young men who aren’t totally convinced mom gets what it’s like to scroll through dating apps or decode a dry text.

On the flip side, disagreement was fairly common, too. Over 30% said their mom doesn’t understand the way dating works today. The sentiment is the most common among Millennial women, at 35%.

Grown Up Kids Tell Mom Some Things…

Talking About Dating with Your Mom Is Alright

Imagine: you’re texting your dating app match, maybe they’re starting to tell you their more interesting plans for your next date… and then your mom, who just happens to be in the room, asks you what you’re smiling about. Talking to parents about dating can be either totally normal or deeply awkward, depending on your relationship. But for a lot of young people, it’s not off the table at all.

When we asked how comfortable people felt discussing their dating life with mom, Millennial men were the most chill about it, with 66% saying they feel comfortable opening up to mom. Gen Z women were right behind at 65%. Gen Z men seem to be the most reserved in discussing their dating with mom. At 60%, they have the smallest share feeling comfortable sharing, and the biggest share feeling uncomfortable at 25%.

Still, the majority of young Americans are generally okay with talking to their mom about dating.

Hypothetical comfort is one thing—actually doing it is another. But the numbers show action, not just intention: 66% of women and 61% of men said they’ve actually discussed their dating life with their mother at least once.

Of course, it doesn’t necessarily mean deep heart-to-hearts. Sometimes it’s just answering that classic mum question: ‘So, who have you been texting lately?’ For others, it might be a matter of quick vent after a date gone wrong or even asking what she’d do if someone ghosted. But the data is clear: whether it’s light-hearted chats or more serious relationship talk, a good chunk of young people are letting mum in—at least a little.

But Not Everything Is Up For Discussion

First dates can be a big deal—and sometimes, the first person you want to talk to afterward is… your mom? For many young daters, that’s actually the case. As many as 67% of Gen Z women said they’re likely to share first-date details with mom, compared to 59% of Millennial women. Among men, 48% of both Gen Z and Millennials agreed.

When it comes to discussing more intimate relationship details, however, most were not inclined to share. Only 28% of Gen Z women and 29% of Millennial women said they were likely to talk about these aspects. For men, the numbers were even lower—13% of Gen Z and 17% of Millennials.

Navigating what you do and don’t want to share with your mom can be a bit of a dance. Some people spill all the details, while others keep stuff locked up. So we asked young Americans whether they’ve set clear boundaries with their moms around dating convos—and it turns out, many have.

Over half of both Gen Z and Millennials have set clear rules as to what their mom is and isn’t allowed to know about their dating life. Gen Z women and Millennial men seem to be the most assertive at 58% and 56%, respectively.

Letting mom get too close to your dating life can be a little weird. So it’s common sense not to share everything. But do many young Americans feel like they have something to hide from their moms? It seems like quite a few do.

…And They Hide Some Other Things

Adult Children Can Keep Secrets

There are times when telling a little white lie feels easier than explaining the truth, especially to your parents. Whether it’s a situationship that didn’t go anywhere, a partner you knew mum wouldn’t react well to, or just wanting to wait until a relationship is more serious—or less complicated—before bringing it home, a lot of people are willing to lie to hide it.

Turns out, Gen Z women have had the most experience keeping a relationship secret, with 59% admitting they’ve done it. Millennial women were close behind at 56%. Men were a little less secretive, with 42% of Gen Z and 38% of Millennial men saying they’ve hidden a relationship. Perhaps guys feel a little less pressure about who they date, or maybe they just face fewer questions at home.

There May Be a Good Reason To Keep Dating Life a Secret From Mom

Has your mum ever dropped an unsavory comment about your date’s job, manners, or even haircut or clothes? Feeling judged can be a big reason to stay quiet, especially about a vulnerable topic such as dating.

A whopping 66% of women said they’ve felt judged by their moms over who they’re dating. Men were less likely to report feeling judged, but still—46% said yes. Moms definitely have some opinions, regardless of the gender of their grown-up kids. And while those opinions often come from a place of love and concern, they may do more harm than good, making people feel hesitant to share next time.

Interestingly, even though women were more likely to intentionally hide a relationship from their mom, they also rarely believed their moms actually wanted more info. Still, 39% of women and 45% of men we surveyed felt like their moms wished they’d shared more.

Maybe some moms are content to let their daughters and sons share what they’re comfortable with. Others might just not realize how much the way they respond impacts those conversations. Regardless, even though there seems to be a lot of honesty and sharing between moms and their adult sons and daughters when it comes to dating, there’s also quite a bit of keeping secrets.

Is Mom’s Advice Welcome?

Women’s Moms Are More In Tune That Men’s

Even if many adult children don’t spill all the tea about their dating lives, moms seem to have at least some idea of who their kids are into. Among women, 42% of Gen Z and 33% of Millennials said their mom knows at least something about the kind of person they’re looking for. Guys, however, are a little more private. Only 26% of Gen Z men and 30% of Millennial men agreed that their mom knows their type.

Parents may have some idea of who their grown-up kids are into. And with knowing comes wanting to comment and advise, even if it comes from a place of genuine care and concern. But the real question is: do their children want to hear it?

Mom’s Advice Does Matter

Turning to mom for relationship wisdom is still relatively common among young women, despite all those generational differences. As many as 46% of Gen Z and 38% of Millennial women said they do ask their moms for advice.

Among men, the numbers were lower: 32% of Gen Z and 29% of Millennial men said they lean on their mom for dating guidance. That leaves a solid majority of guys who’d rather figure it out themselves—or maybe ask their dad or a friend instead.

But, of course, asking for advice doesn’t imply following it. Or does it?

We might not always ask for mom’s two cents, but when she offers it, a surprising number of young daters do take it into account—at least occasionally.

Gen Z women, even though the most affected by generational differences, heed mom’s words the most commonly, at a whopping 70%. In general, Gen Z are more likely to listen to her advice on dating. Millennials, on the other hand, are more independent. As many as 27% of Millennial women said they never followed mom’s advice, making them the most likely group to draw a firm line between dating and family input.

Perhaps learning about your mom’s dating stories could offer some solid life lessons—like how to avoid red flags, deal with heartbreak, or just recognize when someone’s not worth your time. Maybe it could just offer some perspective on where she’s coming from. After all, our past can explain a lot about us. But according to the numbers, many young daters aren’t all that interested in mom’s dating wisdom.

Only 36% of Gen Z and 28% of Millennial women said they’re interested in hearing about their mom’s dating experiences to help them with their own. Among men, it’s even less popular—21% of Gen Z and 18% of Millennial men were on board.

What’s interesting is the generational gap: Millennials are more likely to say a firm ‘no thanks,’ while Gen Z seem a bit more open to the idea—especially Gen Z women.

Mom’s Approval Is Appreciated—But Not Her Control

We don’t really need our parents’ approval or blessing when deciding who to pursue. But maybe the lingering wish for mum to accept your boo is still there somewhere.

Among Gen Z women, 46% said they wouldn’t date someone their mom doesn’t like. That’s nearly half who are either seeking mom’s stamp of approval or at least trying to avoid the awkward family dinner conversation. For Millennial women, that number drops to 32%, in line with the general trend of Millennials being more independent of their parents’ opinions.

As for the guys? Over 30% of both Gen Z and Millennial men said they wouldn’t date someone their mom disapproves of. So about a third of men are still paying attention to mom’s support.

Dating burnout and decision fatigue may get the better of us. And it seems many young daters do sometimes consult their moms on their romantic life. However, the overwhelming majority isn’t willing to give mom too much access and control.

Only 6% of women and 5% of men said they’ve ever let their mom swipe for them on a dating app. And honestly, it’s fair. Giving someone access to your dating apps—especially your mom—isn’t just about dating; it’s about trust, taste, and a whole lot of boundaries. Your mom might be great at spotting red flags or choosing someone with ‘long-term potential’. But that doesn’t mean she knows if they give you butterflies, have the right vibe, or use enough emojis in their bio.

Plus, dating apps are super personal. They’re where you show off your quirks, test your flirting style, and figure out what you actually want—not necessarily what someone else expects you to want.

Conclusion

Talking to your mom about your dating life can be sweet, awkward, comforting, or all of the above—but for most young daters, it’s about finding the right balance. Moms may not always understand modern dating culture, and sometimes their opinions may be more hurtful than helpful. While Gen Zers seem a bit more open to sharing and hearing what mom has to say, Millennials tend to set clearer ground rules and keep a little more of their business to themselves.

Some feel totally fine chatting about first dates, texts, and crushes, while others keep that completely private. Plenty have set personal boundaries with their moms, whether it’s avoiding certain topics or keeping serious relationships under wraps. Still, even if not everyone’s asking mom for advice, many still consider her opinion.

Moms are still a presence in the background of young daters’ lives—maybe cheering from the sidelines, maybe giving some unsolicited opinions or genuine support. Ultimately, most young daters aren’t letting their mom control their life, but they can and do accept if she has a point.