Think You’ve Met a Female Narcissist? Follow the Clues

Dating 101
12 Jul 2023
10 min read
7 Signs of a Female Narcissist - Are You Dating One?

You’ve met a chick and think she’s pretty amazing. In the beginning, she showers you with lots of attention, maybe little surprise gifts, and tells you how wonderful you are. It all seems just too perfect to have found someone like this. Is it for real, or are you being “love bombed?”. And what if we say that this behavior is one of the 7 signs of a female narcissist?

In this case, you may begin to see other warning signs over time. We’ll unpack all of them so you know what to pay attention to and get out of a toxic relationship as soon as possible without heartbreak.

 

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What the Professionals Say About Narcissism

The Mayo Clinic has identified narcissistic personality disorder as a state under which people tend to exaggerate their accomplishments, expect constant social approval, admiration and special attitude, and are highly critical about things that aren’t beneficial for them.

While narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males, there are a growing number of females who exhibit the disorder, probably because women have reached equality with males in lots of areas of life, and narcissistic traits that may have been suppressed in the past are now surfacing. It’s hard to measure narcissistic personality disorder because it tends to fall on a spectrum from mild to full-blown.

Remember this: narcissistic traits emerge over time as you move forward in a relationship.

Related reading: Toxic Love: Are You Feeling It?

7 Signs of a Female Narcissist – The Shortlist

  1. A typical narcissistic woman will exaggerate her accomplishments, achievements, and talents and expects others to admire her for those.
  2. A typical woman narcissist will look down on and be critical of those she deems to be of lower status. Watch how she treats wait staff, for example. She may engage in swearing and arguing behavior around these people.
  3. Narcissistic women come to need constant admiration and keep those around them that will give it.
  4. Women who exhibit narcissistic traits may have few female friends, and they will be only those who admire and support their need for admiration.
  5. A woman narcissist, just like a male narcissist, will come to expect special favors and consideration. She will want you to do what she wants, no matter how inconvenient that may be for you.
  6. One of the key and obvious narcissistic behaviors is her increasing lack of concern for your needs and wants. She comes first.
  7. You begin to see that her relationships exist solely for her benefit. If they do not benefit her in some way, she walks away.

Extra Signs for Your Consideration:

  • A narcissistic woman is overly concerned with their physical appearance
  • A narcissist woman will flirt with anyone who will pay them the attention they crave
  • A typical narcissist female is competitive to a fault. She must always come out on top.
  • She can’t take “No” for an answer – a narcissistic woman must have what she wants when she wants it.
  • She is unwilling to negotiate a compromise – she manipulates instead.
  • She can’t bring herself to apologize or admit they are wrong – she will never admit that her negative behavior is at fault for an issue. The fault lies with others or circumstances beyond her control.
  • She’ll have no empathy for others. It’s just all about her.
6+7 signs of a female narcissist

The Unlucky 13: All the Signs and Actions of a Female Narcissist Uncovered!

It’s time to delve into the specifics of typical narcissistic behavior. Many authorities on this topic list 7 general signs of a female narcissist, but they need to be analyzed in greater detail. So, sit back and read through the expanded list of these 7 traits of covert narcissism as they reveal themselves.

1. Grandiose Alpha Attitude

What exactly does this mean? Grandiose narcissism means a female narcissist thinks she is better and knows more than anyone else in the room.

Even when she is clearly wrong, she will insist that she is right. And she will gaslight you until you actually begin to question what you know to be true. Grandiose narcissists cannot be bothered with facts. Her egotism Knows No Bounds.

Related reading: Gaslighting Phrases Everyone Should Know About

2. It’s All About Her

If she’s a female narcissist, it’s really all about her. She talks about herself and what she wants all the time.

If the conversation comes around to you in any way, she will find a way to turn it back to herself. If you find that your life is beginning to revolve only around her, you have a big red flag.

Related reading: 14 Red Flags in Women – Here’s Your Checklist

3. Sense of Entitlement

This is a natural result of her egotism. A female narcissist feels that everyone else must “do” for her but not return this behavior. If you find yourself always “giving” and never being given to, you have a narcissist on your hands.

4. Extreme Materialism

Her sense of self-importance and entitlement means that a female narcissist has a right to whatever she wants.

And because she is so focused on her appearance, this will translate to lots of retail therapy. She can be an expensive partner. Much of her self-image revolves around her physical appearance.

5. Emotional Manipulation

Emotional abuse and manipulation are very severe and dangerous manifestations of female narcissist behavior, so be careful!

Some clues here are lying, blaming others to get what she wants, and gaslighting. She will choose romantic partners that she can manipulate successfully.

6. Lack of Empathy and Compassion

A female narcissist may put on a good false persona of feeling bad and showing empathy when others are in pain, even you. But she can’t relate to how others may feel in situations for real.

Ultimately, you’ll come to see her as cold and lacking feelings unless it’s about herself. To lack empathy is really a sign that she is totally self-centered.

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7. Readiness to Do Anything to Get Attention

Talk about drama! If a female narcissist is not getting the attention she “deserves,” she might engage in some pretty outrageous behaviors.

She’ll lie and exaggerate her standing at work and in her social circles.

Each self-enhancement act motivates additional ones if they are successful. Narcissists thrive on attention. If you see her constantly seek attention in any way she can get it, “buyer beware.”

8. Struggle With Admitting Mistakes or Wrongdoing

This is part of her need to be “above the law” so to speak. A female narcissist has unrealistic ideas that she can operate with her own set of rules:

  • When the makes mistakes, she will justify her behavior (or lie about it).
  • When she is faced with criticism, she will lash out – watch for a stiff upright body posture, angry words, and arguing behavior until she gets her way.
  • She may ignore you until you give in.

These are manipulative tactics. Such behaviors in the extreme have landed many narcissistic women in prison.

Female narcissists are extremely competitive

9. Competitive in the Extreme

A competitive spirit is a good thing – it’s what athletes bank on. But narcissistic women can take it to the extreme:

  • They see all other women as threats
  • They will do whatever is necessary to maintain control over their partners
  • They will act superior in social situations.

A true narcissist really believes in their superiority and must prove it at all times. This is a dangerous form of self-deception from a female narcissist. It can destroy your relationship with her and, from a psychological standpoint, really comes from her low self-esteem. More on that later.

10. Vindictiveness

A female narcissist is so self-absorbed that anyone can easily get her criticism. She perceives her boundaries so strictly that if you have ever “crossed” her in any way, you’ll become an enemy to be reckoned with.

She has almost no regard for who is right in a matter and, instead, has a vicious thirst for revenge.

11. Having Only Superficial Relationships

Both female and male narcissists have this trait. It’s almost impossible for them to have deep relationships because they are only in those for what they get.

Once she is no longer getting what they want, female narcissist tends to move on to new relationships that promise to satisfy their self-absorbed needs.

Related reading: How Many Dates Do You Need to Start a Relationship for Real?

12. Excessive Flirting

Because they have a bloated sense of themselves and need to be admired, female narcissists will flirt with anyone who will give them the attention they crave. Their self-assured body movements and sexual language use will attract all sorts of admirers. So, they can engage in interpersonal exploitation of others’ attraction to them and pump themselves up with all the attention.

Obviously, a female narcissist is not interested in any kind of relationship with any of them. She just masters to manipulate unsuspecting folks easily.

13. Impulsiveness

Her inflated sense of importance, along with her inability to take “no” for an answer, often leads a female narcissist to impulsivity. She doesn’t want to hear what others have to say or to listen when someone tries to point out the possible consequences of what they want or plan to do.

And so, she forges ahead with no care about who they may hurt and what impact her behavior may even have on herself. And when she gets into a mess, she expects her partners and even family members to bail her out.

How a female narcissist develops

How Does Female Narcissism Develop?

So now you know the 7 basic signs of a female narcissist and how those traits play out in 13 actions. But how does a narcissistic woman actually become a narcissist? That is a question psychological researchers have been studying and have developed some theories about.

First of all, narcissism is classified as a personality disorder. And as a mental disorder, it has been the subject of research for a number of years. Some of that narcissism research delves into the concept of “nature vs. nurture” in terms of the causes.

Related reading: Are You In Love or Just Clingy? 8 Love vs Attachment Differences

Here are the most prominent causes of narcissistic personality disorder, according to PsychCentral:

  • Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex mental health issue.
  • There do appear to be genetic tendencies to NPD.
  • Societal and parental child-rearing are both development factors.
  • Both parental neglect and too much “helicoptering” can result in arrested emotional development that causes self-absorption and a lack of certain emotions, such as empathy and feelings necessary for a close relationship with others.
  • Female narcissists, indeed all narcissists, have very fragile egos and self-esteem issues. they compensate with behaviors that show the opposite.

One positive light to be shone on all of this. There are therapeutic approaches for female narcissists with measures of success if she recognizes she has a problem and wants help.

So, What Are Your Options?

If you have reviewed the 7 signs of a female narcissist and the detailed behaviors, and they are a “fit” for a woman you are dating, you are involved with someone who will always put herself first. Female narcissists are tough to be with unless you have a strong need to be dominated and to be fully a “giver” in a relationship. If so, you have a codependent relationship that most don’t consider healthy.

Related reading: How to Stop Being Codependent and Reclaim Your Life

But if you know what a healthy relationship looks like, and it’s not this one, then you have a couple of options:

  • Get out, lick your wounds, and move on. She becomes just someone you used to date.
  • Live with the situation and the understanding that you will have to live with her behaviors.
  • Get yourself some counseling – this may lead to your ending it with your narcissistic partner, but you will be a more balanced person able to ultimately have a healthy relationship.
  • Insist upon couples counseling. This will be a lengthy process and require a big commitment on both your parts.
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Wrapping it Up

Narcissism refers to a personality disorder of complete self-absorption. There are degrees of narcissism from very mild to extreme, just as there are with other mental health issues. Female narcissists do not make good romantic partners because they are “takers.” If you realize you are dating a narcissist, look at your options and do what’s best for you.

Relationships Author
Geoffrey Williams
After taking a required Intro to Psychology course as an undergrad, I have never looked back. Since my doctoral program, I have specialized in adult relationship therapy. Through my studies and clinicals, I wrote several articles for professional journals and currently in the midst of writing a book.
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