Karma’s a B**ch, or How to Deal with Karmic Relationships

“Be grateful for those in our lives who have given us the most difficulty, for they are our greatest teachers.”

Not sure who said it first, but how true. We have all learned lessons from bad and failed relationships; we may be learning some lessons from a toxic relationship right now. What a relief to acknowledge this is sort of a karmic relationship for us!

But “karmic relationship” may seem an odd term to use. You are thinking, “Have I done something so bad that I deserve this?”. Because that is how we think of karma – a sort of getting what’s coming to us because of our own actions in the past. But let’s unpack what a karmic relationship is to see what this bond is about to tell you.

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What Is Karma?

Karma is the consequence of a person’s behavior either in this or a past life.

Hindu belief

Karma is the baggage you carry after reincarnation and how you deal with it in your everyday life. In other words, with each reincarnation, there are important life lessons to be learned in the current lifetime. And for your actions in this lifetime, there can be consequences in this one too.

Now, you may or may not believe in reincarnation. But the concept can be applied to the relationships we find ourselves in our lifetimes. A karmic relationship is one in which we learn lessons. Karmic relationships are generally unhealthy and can turn pretty toxic, affecting our mental health and even our physical well-being. But if we learn important lessons from a karmic relationship, we can be on the road to pursuing healthy relationships in the future.

13 Signs of a Karmic Relationship

You have found someone. It’s an instant connection, and you believe your two souls are just meant to be together, like “soul mates” who decided before coming back to be together in this lifetime. So, you’re determined to proceed and learn the lessons you are supposed to, even if your connection now resembles unhealthy relationships.

Related reading: What Are the Symptoms of Soul Ties?

As time moves forward, things are not looking so rosy. The person you believed to be perfect in fact is causing you distress, anxiety, and, yes, unhappiness. And so, you end in a karmic relationship.

But what were the symptoms you’ve missed? Check out this list of common signs a karmic person demonstrates to see how such relationships unfold.

1. It’s Like Love at First Sight

You meet another person, perhaps at a club or through mutual friends. There’s an instant attraction, and you move very quickly into a relationship that goes from dating to being monogamous and pretty much inseparable. But this is just one sign of a karmic relationship. Not all “love at first sight” relationships are karmic.

2. You Are on a Roller Coaster

Just like a roller coaster at an amusement park, you reach amazing high points in your relationship only to dive down into a low point that has you unhappy, stressed, and anxiety-ridden. In a karmic relationship, things are never consistent and smooth sailing.

3. Things Feel “Not Right” Pretty Early On

There are some red flags showing up pretty early in the relationship. The person is moody, not respectful of your boundaries, is uncommunicative, or ignores your wants and needs. These are all red flags that you may not see because you are blinded by your passion.

For example, you have made plans for dinner at your place, and you are cooking. You’ve spent a long time preparing an amazing meal that includes some of their favorites. They are a no-show, having gone out with friends and failing to call you at all. Big. Red. Flag.

4. There’s A Lot of Drama

How do you define drama? It can be everything: from overreacting to seemingly minor things like not putting the cap back on the toothpaste to full-blown arguments about you having spent too much time talking to someone else during a party. Moods and temperaments are just not even. This situation can turn from just a karmic relationship to a full-blown toxic relationship.

5. A Karmic Relationship Becomes Addicting

Your relationship seems to be consuming most of your time – so much so that you have trouble focusing on other important parts of your life. And while you feel addicted, you just cannot break away.

That instant connection and the belief in a soulmate relationship keeps drawing you in like a moth to a flame. There is a codependency that you can’t break, and that strong connection keeps you in your karmic relationship and unable to break the pattern to pursue healthy relationships. You just feel magnetically drawn. But remember, unhealthy relationships teach us things that can be critical if we are to ultimately have the personal growth we need to find the healthy ones.

6. Karmic Relationships Are Repetitive

Those highs and lows; those same fights over and over again that still leave unresolved issues on the table. This is one of the key karmic relationship signs. And your life revolves around all of this, consuming your thoughts and actions. You find yourself not speaking up or hiding stuff just to avoid another argument. You ignore the red flags to avoid conflict. The wonderful days are followed by horrible ones. Your emotions are in a twisted wire ready to snap.

But still, you keep on with this person because the magnetic attraction is so strong.

Related reading: Are You in Love or Lust? Here’s Your Answer

7. Karmic Relationships Tend to Keep You Frustrated

Here’s one of the key signs of a karmic relationship. It’s all about your growth, and that growth is usually painful. You are feeling frustrated because you are caught in a relationship that you can’t seem to make work, but you are dead set on making it a go. You don’t know what more you can do, but you keep trying.

8. Karmic Relationships Lack Productive Communication

There is either a total lack of solid communication or there is miscommunication.

Let’s go back to the scenario where the person didn’t show up for your perfectly-planned dinner. When they show up, and you try to talk about it, they simply want you to get over it and move on as usual. So that conversation never happens, and you move on too.

And when you do try to have an important conversation, they misinterpret what you are saying, take offense, and another argument begins. You feel frustrated and just give up trying to have meaningful conversations of any kind. It’s painful, but that’s what you’re here to learn.

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9. Karmic Relationships Are Exhausting

When you are in a karmic relationship, you are pretty much exhausted – mentally, emotionally, and physically – all of the time. Yes, you are learning, but what a price you are paying.

10. Karmic Relationships Bring Out Your Worst Side

It’s only a matter of time. One day, you look at yourself and you don’t even recognize who you are anymore. You don’t even like the person you’ve become – very little happiness, feeling emotionally drained, unable to focus, and constantly on edge. Are you now learning through this pain? These learning experiences will bring you out the other set far more in control of the choices you make in future relationships.

No matter how passionate your feelings are for this partner, that passion is not worth the negatives.

11. You Don’t Want to Be Around Your Karmic Relationship Partner

If you find yourself happier and more relaxed when your partner is gone, that’s a sign your codependency is karmic.

When the atmosphere is drama-free, you don’t have to fear stupid disagreements or constantly watching what you say. Not that the addiction is gone. It’s that the partnership has begun to teach you an important lesson or three and you are beginning to absorb them.

12. You Fight Letting Go

This may be the hardest part of all karmic relationships. As much as you hate the drama, understand that a codependent relationship is not healthy, hate the constant ups and downs, fear the continual disagreements, and know you want other things in a relationship, you have a really tough time saying that final good-bye.

You have developed patterns of codependency that, as painful as they are, are somehow fulfilling your needs. You make excuses to stick it out, believing that somehow you were meant to be, and you are passionate about this.

13. Karmic Relationships Are Usually Temporary

There’s really no such thing as a permanent karmic relationship. Ultimately, you will realize that you have probably learned all you need to learn from this karmic relationship, and you and your partner will both be ready to move on. The point is to take what you have learned and use that as you look for a healthy relationship.

Partners in karmic relationships are codependent – they fill each other’s needs; the sex may be amazing; and the tumult of those highs and lows don’t matter. But end it will. And both partners will part in pain but much wiser and feeling like they may now be ready for something even, steady, and healthy.

Karmic Relationships Turn Toxic

If two people insist upon staying in an unhealthy karmic relationship, it will become toxic. The highs and lows, the ups and downs, the codependency, and the sense that you are losing yourself will force you to recognize that this is no way to live. The whole thing is emotionally exhausting, and the unresolved issues remain unresolved.

At this point, you have probably learned your lessons. You know what you don’t want, that there is something better out there, and that the extreme nature of the relationship is not worth all that you must go through to keep it. And now, you have to get out. But how?

Getting Out of Karmic Relationships: 3 Ideas

If you’re ready to get out, it will be hard. You have a strong bond with this karmic partner, even though it is based on some painful lessons you have had to learn. But when it’s time, consider these tips to help you.

Seek Solicit Support From Family and Friends

The end of any romantic relationship comes with psychological distress and will affect your emotional well-being. If you have a support system in place, research shows that you can get through this period with lowered trauma.

Get Tough

This may be the worst thing about ending a karmic relationship. There are established patterns of behavior that have become habits for you, and it’s so easy to fall back into that pattern when that ex-partner keeps calling and texting.

You cannot control their behavior – but you can cut them off. Block them from your phone and your social media accounts. Don’t go to places where you two went – you risk running into your ex-partner.

Make Self-Care a Priority

Take a vacation if you can. Start socializing with friends so you are not at home so much. Get some new hobbies; take a class. And if need be, get some therapy to help you deal with the emotions and feelings of regret or pain that you may have right now. It’s time to focus on you and who you intend to become, not the person you were with your partner.

Related reading: How To Maintain Your Individuality While In a Relationship

In all of this, though, do not fixate on the thought that the relationship with that partner was wrong. It wasn’t, because you learned a lesson (or more) that was necessary for you to become a different person now. It’s time to heal from the past, practice some real self-love, and look toward a future relationship with those past lessons under your belt.

You deserve better than a karmic relationship

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Be Grateful

Karmic relationships are ultimately unhealthy. But while you are in such a relationship, you have the feeling that this bond with your partner is just meant to be. There is a connection with your partner that you identify with perfection. You feel good.

As the cracks begin to appear, your feeling about this relationship will obviously change. Your deep connection begins to feel wrong. And you begin to change in order to keep the relationship alive and well. Ultimately, your mental health suffers.

But remember this: the entire experience of this relationship was for you to learn. Now that it is only a past relationship in your rearview mirror, you are free to pursue a new and better relationship based on what you have learned. Isn’t that a great feeling?

You’re going to be a different person now. Embrace it. And be grateful for that karmic connection.