I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
Table of contents
Gen Z Flirting—A New Playbook
Gen Zers have totally re-defined flirting. Gen Zers use dating apps, an industry that raked in about $1.4 billion during 2023. And they make connections via social media. If, for example, they physically meet people of interest, what do they do? They ask for their Instagram handle, so they can connect online. How did they get here? Let’s explore the world of Gen Z flirting together!
3 Causes of the “New Flirting” in the Generation Z Dating World
“Flirting is verbal and nonverbal behaviors that signal interest or attraction toward another individual.”
This younger generation we call Gen Z or “Zoomers” has grown up in a unique environment, and it has impacted how they try to make genuine connections. Let’s see what has changed flirting for Gen Z.
1. Device-Fixated
Gen Zers have grown up with devices in their hands—phones, tablets, etc. From elementary school forward, they have used these devices to communicate with friends and family members. They have joined social platforms for additional communication tools and see all of these as the normal way to make connections.
2. The Pandemic
No other generation was more impacted than Gen Z. Many young people were in high school and starting college when COVID hit. The pandemic pushed people into online schooling environments, rather than traditional in-class learning, thus cutting off the normal in real-life social connections with others.
This environment only led to reliance on their devices even more for what they might term flirting or any type of romantic interest.
3. The Need for External Validation
Gen Z’s do have some social anxiety, certainly during in-person encounters but also in their online presence and interactions:
- They do have a need to belong, and this causes them to seek validation, especially online—in interactions on social media and dating apps.
- They tend to state things that they believe others want to hear, in order to get likes and comments.
- They have a belief that to be attractive to others, so they aim for perfection. This is not to say that they are “sheep,” because they do value authenticity and individuality. It’s a balance.
And though they experience social anxiety in real-life situations, some Gen Zers do show an interest in venturing outside of dating apps and social media, however stressful that may be at first.
The Net Result: What Has Changed for Traditional Flirting?
Ambivalence
“Dating becomes about you and the validation and the attention you’re getting…When it feels like a performance, when it feels like you’re trying to get someone to like you or see you in a certain way…you’re completely out of the flirt at that point.”
Benjamin Camras, an Instagram influencer aka a “flirt coach”
Gen Zers seem to have a “love-hate relationship” with dating apps. They have resulted in shallow connections by presenting a “highlight reel” of themselves that boosts their self-esteem via validation from others, but at the same time is pretty impersonal. It’s about you, not the other person.
On the other hand, there is some safety in using online platforms for connecting and showing that you are interested, according to other dating experts and coaches. Talking online means the flirting is more in the user’s control, the conversation can be manipulated, and there is no fear of the scary event of being rejected or rejecting someone in person. It’s just easier to walk away when it’s done digitally, as opposed to the traditional flirt in the physical presence of someone.
Related reading: 6 Ways How to Start a Conversation on a Dating App
Helping Gen Z’s Flirt Offline
“If someone thinks you’re cute, they just ask for your Instagram these days and then DM you or swipe up on your story to show they’re interested…I think flirting is dying.”
Maxine Williams, the founder of an event group for singles called “We Met IRL”
As Maxine Williams told NBC, social isolation of the pandemic drove Gen Z into flirting online and thus not developing a comfort level or the social skills to connect in person. At the same time, they are ready to attend singles events alone, even though it’s a bit scary for them to expose themselves to meeting strangers and talking with them in person.
For further proof, Eventbrite, an online ticketing platform for in-person events has reported that searches on its website have increased by 1.5 million during the last year. How many of these are young people is unknown, though.
The fear of in-person rejection is real, and more than just a bit scary. And it can be painful. Still, a rejection gets easier every time, and young people may find that to flirt IRL is ultimately fun, despite the potential pitfalls.
Related reading: 13 Tips on How Long to Talk on Dating App Before Meeting
Gen Z Flirting: Online or Offline?
“Gen Z is finding it tougher to make real connections and find love, mainly because they’re always online…Social media and dating apps make it seem like there are endless options, leading to a lot of swiping but not much deep talking. Plus, everyone’s trying to look perfect online, which can make you feel like you’re not good enough.”
Chris Pleines, founder of Dating Scout
Let’s check what are Gen Z views on flirting in person and on dating apps.
When Young People Choose to Seek Their Romantic Interest in Real Life
So, we have young people in a love-hate relationship with the digital flirt activity ready to venture offline. On the one hand, they shy away from traditional flirting because they haven’t developed the social skills to pull it off and don’t have a natural sense of traditional flirt skills. Plus, they have a guaranteed interest when they can keep a relationship going via communication online.
“If someone thinks you’re cute, they just ask for your Instagram…and then DM you or swipe up your story to show they are interested. Building relationships takes more than this.”
Maxine Williams from “We Met IRL”
The Internet has certainly changed communication style and created a generation who can comfortably flirt online but in person, maybe not so much.
5 Ways to Accept Internet Dating
Pleines does not stop with his mild condemnation of current Internet flirting via apps. He, and many others, accept the reality but want to help young people find ways to improve their presence on those venues and woo better, so they can find relationships that matter and will eventually lead to lasting love partnerships. (if that is what they want—and surveys do say so).
“I do think it’s shifted some for this generation that has grown up in a digitized social landscape, in that they are best at a more playful, indirect expression of interest through memes and gifs. This likely does not translate to comfort around flirting in person because there is more pressure to think on one’s feet and it needs to be verbal.”
Jenn Gunsaullus, Ph.D, intimacy and relationship coach
This generation is into creating relationships just like all others before it, and getting there via flirts has not died, it has simply evolved. So, how does a digital culture flirt and begin dating via social platforms and dating apps? Here are some suggestions that many Gen Zers should consider as opposed to traditional flirting in the physical presence of someone.
1. Use Dating Apps Well
There are several points to be made here:
- Honest profile: How engaging and accurate is it? Did you use some humor and keep it light? Give superficial info—the profile you created is like a first date.
- Let your authenticity shine: More people than not embellish their interests, hobbies, and achievements a bit. That’s fine for strangers that you don’t intend to have long-term interactions with, but if you intend to engage in digital dating, think again.
- Make it real: Once you begin “dating” someone, use the video chat feature on dating apps. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll get used to it. Using this tool can let both of you see and analyze facial expressions and body language—a huge help in deciding if there is a “there-there.” And this type of talking (with visuals) can help a relationship develop faster.
Related Reading: 60 Memorable Dating Profile Bio Examples (Female)
2. Join a Web-Based Single Events Group or Two
Some dating apps have these. Others you’ll find all over the web. These are digital events but participating will let you relax more in interactions with a variety of other singles. That can translate into a better digital and ultimately in-person date experience. Singles events group activities have become pretty popular with your generation. They’re worth trying out.
3. Use Memes and GIFs
The old adage, “A picture says a thousand words” is true. And the great thing about these is that they show you have a sense of humor, something anyone will appreciate. And the best part? You didn’t have to come up with it!
Related reading: 18 Top Flirty Emojis That Make Dating Fun
4. Use Pick-Up Lines
These can be great, as long as you keep them light and funny. You can find a host of these on the web—just Google for them. “Well here I am. What are your other two wishes?” Might be a bit forward, but it is also pretty funny. Check out some of the websites with funny and clever pickup lines and incorporate a few that you’re comfortable with.
5. Make Them the Focus
You can come across as a bit of a narcissist if you communication topics are all about yourself. Learn to ask questions of those you chat with more than you talk about yourself. And guess what? You’ll learn more abou9t them so you can decide if you want to take it further.
That’s a Wrap (Sort Of)
You’ve grown up with a device in your hand; you are more comfortable communicating via messaging than in-person or even phone calls. It’s become your way of life, even in the dating scene. So you have joined dating apps and social platforms to connect with others.
All of this is well and good, but unless you have some in-person contact, you will never know if you and someone who has captured your interest will be “the one” for you. You are hesitant and at least a bit fearful of IRL meetups, but you have to get over it. This is where the love-hate relationship with digital “dating” comes into play.
Getting out of your digital world is a process. Begin with singles events group actvities and get comfortable communicating with people you have never met. Use dating apps in new ways, including video chats to show and receive body language; show yourself as a clever and humorous person; don’t give away the entire farm in your profile; don’t make it all about you; expect rejection; and above all, take your time. You’ll get this dating thing using the methods you are most comfortable with.
Cherie Hamilton
