I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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Early Dating—Are You Making These 9 Mistakes?
Oh, the thrill of a new relationship. You have started dating a new partner, and this new romance has you putting lots of other stuff on hold. You are totally caught up in the chemistry of it all. Of course, you are hoping it will lead to a long-lasting healthy relationship! So you want to make everything perfect, but are you sure you’re not making one of 9 things to never do in the first month of dating? Let’s do a reality check together.
The Grand Nine: Common Mistakes People Do at the Early Stages of Dating
In all the enthusiasm of the early days, it’s easy to make some big dating mistakes that will cause the whole thing to go south before it ever really got off the ground. But this article will enumerate those 9 things to never do in the first month of dating so this fate will eliminate your relationship. Just check these common mistakes out right now – and do no harm to your new relationship!
1. Talking About a Future
People tend to rush when it comes to love. We all want that “live happily after” ASAP, don’t we? But when it comes to a new relationship, the only future you should be talking about is your next date – what, where, when, and how.
Now, let’s qualify that. You can certainly talk about your personal future, school or educational goals, or a future vacation you have planned with friends. But distant future with your new relationship person – no way.
2. Listening to Words Instead of Actions
One of the most common pitfalls is to listen and totally believe everything a new person is saying – and never do the reality check. This way, you will never come to the stage when actions become your love language.
New loves may talk a good talk, but the walk is far more important. Stay attuned to their actions. They may say anything and play games to get you into bed or to do whatever else they want you to do. But are they attentive in between dates? Do they keep in touch? Do they put down their phone and focus on you on a date, asking about your interests, hobbies, and goals? These behaviors let you know they want to be involved in your life.
Focus on how they act because words are cheap. Be especially wary if they pressure you to cross your set relationship boundaries.
Related reading: Boundaries in Relationships – Keeping Them Healthy
3. Dissing Your Ex
If you are asked about your ex, maintain an even emotional level and communicate only in general terms about them. You can simply say it didn’t work out, and you both decided to move on. That’s enough for now.
The time to get into details is much later when your communication levels have become more intimate. Bringing up a bad past relationship or comparing your ex to this new dating squeeze is a big no-no.
Related reading: Ex Still Renting Space in Your Head? 11 Tools to Break Free
4. Making Assumptions
Re-read the words vs. actions section. It may be easy to believe your new partner thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread, but avoid making assumptions right now.
Again, they may play games and set you up to cross your boundaries or do something you may feel is wrong. You should feel comfortable in this case; follow those feelings. When you avoid making assumptions, you will not be crushed if things go south.
Don’t be scared to communicate that they are crossing a line when they try to lead you into territory you are not comfortable with. It clearly shows they do not have your best interests at heart.
5. Maintain Equality
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be”
William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Shakespeare’s words communicate an important message to everyone. Many friendships have been lost because of loaned or borrowed money. Early on in relationships, this is a huge mistake too.
If your new dating partner asks for a loan, you can assume that their intentions for this relationship are not on the up and up. And the same applies to you: no matter how financially strapped you are, don’t you dare ask for a loan. Your intentions will be obvious to this new man or woman, and your relationship is dead on arrival.
Remember, friendships have been destroyed over breaking the balance. And relationships will be too.
6. Avoid the Word “Love”
The early stages of a budding relationship are for getting to know each other. It’s time to establish a connection, not a marriage. This means communicating on your interests, hobbies, goals, and opinions on current issues.
You may have developed really strong feelings for this person, and you may believe that there is a strong connection with them already. But talking of love so early is definitely one of the 9 things to never do in the first month of dating.
Stay present and maintain communication on the “really like you” level. Don’t give this new squeeze the idea that you want to move into something deeply romantic. They may fear your motivations and quickly run away.
Related reading: Is Your Man Pulling Back? Here’s Why
7. Don’t Compromise or Neglect Your Own Interests
You have a life before you met this new partner. And you may have a tendency, given the excitement going on, to neglect that life.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s normal to spend a lot of time together. But even in that first month, don’s sacrifice your own interests just to be with them full-time. They need to understand that you have an independent existence that involves friends, hobbies, career, etc. If they cannot accept that, they are not for you. Ignoring this red flag will bring troubles down the road.
And the same goes in reverse. If a new love has their own interests, back off and let them pursue those. Control is not a good thing in the first month or any time after.
Related reading: How To Maintain Your Individuality While In a Relationship
8. Don’t Dump Them Into Your Entire Family
Take it slow. Your feelings may be strong; and you may want your entire family to meet and greet this new partner. But take a step back and let this develop slowly and over time.
Feelings change as relationships move past the early stages.
Avoid dumping your new relationship into large events. Begin slowly. If you want them to meet your lovely sibling, set up a short and sweet “date” over drinks after work. If the relationship continues to move forward well, take it as a sign you can introduce a few more members.
No man or woman wants to be thrust into entire families all at once. They will feel that they are being analyzed, checked out, and even judged. Just don’t do it.
9. Don’t Do Anything “Permanent”
By permanent, we mean doing things that point to a longer-lasting relationship.
Don’t ever give a new partner a key to your place at this stage; don’t decide to buy things together; and by all means, don’t rent that U-Haul.
By rushing things with the idea of “permanent,” you are setting yourself up to be hurt when the truth of your relationship shows that you are really not meant for each other.
4 Less Common Yet Critical Mistakes People Do on the First Month of Dating
These 9 things to never do in the first month of dating a new partner are critically important, but there are some other things to avoid. Double-check them to stay relieved that you do things right – and at the right pace.
10. Avoid Actions That Smack of “Control”
You and your partner have your own needs outside of this relationship. Be careful when you act clingy, especially if past relationships have left you hurt and took a while to recover from.
Respect your new partner’s need for their own existence apart from you:
- Don’t stalk them on social media
- Don’t message them to excess
- Don’t try to find out where they are at all times.
If you don’t avoid doing these things, you can watch them walk away.
Related reading: 11 Warning Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend and Why They Are Not OK
11. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Maintain your common sense, even with all of the chemistry going on. Because that chemistry can blind you during that first month of dating that partner. There are common and easily seen red flags in a relationship, and new partners will play games so you don’t recognize them.
Some red flags are glaring – alcohol or substance abuse, for example. But focus on the subtler ones that are not so easily seen – things such as love-bombing, breadcrumbing, and gaslighting. Don’t expect these to show up early on, but if you see some signs, be very wary. And make no commitment if you observe any of them.
Related reading: 14 Red Flags in Your New Male Squeeze
14 Red Flags in Women – Here’s Your Checklist
12. Don’t Compare
Every person and every relationship is unique. So, above all else, avoid comparing this relationship to any past relationships, and certainly not openly to this new one. No one wants to be compared to someone else, whether that comparison is favorable or not. They are unique, and comparing them to someone else is disrespectful.
13. Stick to Your Boundaries
You have your boundaries because reflect your values. So please avoid any attempts to make you compromise these.
If the pressure is great, this person may not be for you. And this is what early dating is all about. During that first month of dating, be honest about your feelings when these boundaries are pushed. You deserve that respect and should demand it.
If you don’t get that respect, don’t ignore it. You are with the wrong person, and avoid any further dating.
The Overriding Advice
You may think that a new partner should know your whole life story, and you are eager to tell them everything about your own life, from childhood on up, including past relationships that went south, your successes and failures, all of your personal relationships, and more. This is all information that should develop naturally as time goes on and you delve deeper into one another’s lives. Revealing all of this too early, without being able to put it in context as this new relationship develops, can be a real turnoff to a new partner.
In the beginning, be honest if you are asked questions, but hold back on dumping out all of your personal information.
Just take it slow. At all costs, avoid jumping into something headfirst when you are not sure what the “water” is like and if there are any rocks or boulders within. You are worthy of a successful and healthy relationship, but you won’t know if this is the “one” during that first month. Avoid jumping to conclusions; avoid making assumptions; and by all means, avoid making a serious commitment.
Cherie Hamilton
