9 Signs She Thinks Her Ex Is Better in Bed Than You

Intimacy & Sex
01 Jun 2024
8 min read
9 Signs Her Ex Was Better in Bed

You’re in a mind-blowing relationship now. Your girlfriend is hot, and you have the best sex – much better than with your ex girlfriend. But when you ask her about her ex-boyfriend and maybe other past relationships in casual conversation, soemething goes wrong. She either avoids such conversation, or says something about them that hurts your feelings and makes you jealous. You feel that’s one of the signs her ex was better in bed than you.

You may be right, though. There are many valid situations that can make you suspicious:

  1. You overhear a comment she makes to her best friend about that ex-boyfriend or husband that sounds like she wants to compare you to them and not in a good way. You hear the word ‘sex’ mentioned. Maybe she even says he was her best sex ever. And here you’ve been together for three years already.
  2. You discover that she is still in close and often secretive contact with her ex even though she has a new boyfriend – you. And you have found some texts (yes, you got nosy) that speak to loving sex that they once had, and those have been happening at night right under your nose.
  3. You’ve been on her social media account and see that she has not taken down some sexy photos of her and her ex together.
  4. You have a fight, and in her anger, she tells you her ex was much better at sex – his dick is bigger, he had much better moves, and you don’t meet her expectations in bed.

Any one of these situations should be a big red flag, and it’s valid to feel pretty devastated, probably a bit angry, and suggest that suddenly your world has turned into a living hell. But why did this happen and what should you do now? Let’s find these answers here.

5 Signs Your Partner Is Over Her Ex

Before you jump into conclusions that your girlfriend is not over her ex boyfriend, let’s provide some perspective on the matter first.

A healthy relationship with an ex can be a good thing. It means that there is no anger and no hard feelings anymore. But if you feel emotionally uncomfortable in this situation, it’s likely that retroactive jealousy about a previous relationship with a boyfriend, husband, or previous partners is present in your feelings to her. The point is to get control of your own emotions and feelings before you tackle this issue with her.

Check out these signs that show that she is over her ex:

  1. She takes you around their mutual friends and introduces you
  2. She is happy to have you at events/occasions where he is likely to be
  3. If they are calling each other, the conversations are in your presence
  4. She openly talks about her relationship with her past partner and their life together
  5. Photos of them together are no longer on her social media pages. She is ready to live in the present with you

If you recognize her behavior in these situations, worry not: her ex partner is not on her mind, and you shouldn’t worry about that guy.

Related reading: What Is Retroactive Jealousy and How to Overcome It

9 signs her ex was better in bed than you

9 Signs Your Partner Is Not Over Her Ex

Sex is not all there is in a relationship. Having a life partner means that a girl and a guy share many other facets of their lives. They walk a path together, support and trust one another, and set goals while allowing each to have a degree of independence. When a third party, especially an ex, is still in the picture, the relationship cannot move forward.

An unhealthy relationship with an ex has clear signs. Any one of these should be a red flag, but if your partner shows a few, it is time to seriously wonder. If she shows several of these, you literally have a problem.

1. Getting Excited When She Sees Him

She may not use her words, but her body and her facial expressions are a clear sign that she’s still into this guy. And even worse, she makes plans to attend events (weddings, class reunions, etc.) where she knows she’ll see him and doesn’t want you to go along.

2. Not Answering His Calls in Your Presence

When a girl and her ex end their relationship well and remain friends, there may be times when they talk on the phone. Someone they both know has been in an accident, had a baby, or a death in the family. This is normal and natural behavior.

But if you notice that she avoids answering calls in your presence or leaves the room to talk to her ex, she’s hiding something. She may not overtly be having a relationship or, God forbid, sex with him, but she’s probably having some flirty conversation.

Any person who leaves a room to have a private phone conversation doesn’t want others to hear what is being said.

Related reading: Need to Catch a Cheater? Here Are the Ways to Do It!

3. Comparing You to Him in a Negative Way

This is a huge sign that she’s not over her ex. She needs to compare the way you do things, or worse, your sex life to his performance as a partner. This is a stinging moment for you, and you may be tempted to break off the relationship right there. After all, this person is probably still hot for her ex.

If you are feeling disrespected like this, it is probably time for a break – at least temporarily while she sorts out her feelings. It was probably not a good match in the first place and better now than when you are in too deep.

4. Becoming Upset When He Dates Someone New

So, a girlfriend tells her that her ex is dating someone new, and you are there to observe her reaction. If there is any talk at that time, she is likely to say something like, “Well, I’m glad for him.” But her tone of voice, her physical reaction, etc. may show she’s feeling just the opposite.

And then you discover that she’s had lots more discussion with that girlfriend about this topic wanting to know such things as how serious she thinks the relationship is. And she’s been on his social media pages looking for pictures, posts, etc. about the relationship.

Being overly sentimental about her ex boyfriend doesn't let her enjoy sex with you

5. Keeping Sentimental Mementos From Her Ex

These are not substantial things that her ex has given her over the course of their relationship. These are little things – maybe a cute photo of them or a shot glass from their favorite watering hole. Girls keep these things when they still have romantic feelings for their former partner. This and other signs are covered in this video you might want to watch.

6. Not Fully Participating in Sex with You

Let’s face it. Sex is a highly intimate act and experience for you and your partner. And when we love someone, we enjoy sex a lot. But you get the feeling that she is sort of going through the motions without being fully there. If you want to talk about this, she will either deny or refuse to talk about it.

So which is it? Is she just not into sex with you or is she thinking about her ex? Either way, the sex is not meeting your expectations.

Related reading: How to Be a Better Lover – Inside and Out

7. Having Desire to Go to “Their” Places With You

She and her ex had their favorite places, and she now wants to go to them with you. So, what could be her motivation?

There could be two things at play here. She may be convinced that she will run into her ex on these excursions, or she is trying to re-live the great times she had with her ex – you are sort of a surrogate for him in this case.

8. Staying in Close Contact with His Relatives

Now, a word of caution here. Perhaps he has a sister, and she became a close girlfriend during their relationship. After the breakup, they vowed to remain friends, and so keeping her as a girlfriend is natural.

But how about other relatives? Is his mother, father, or cousin a girlfriend? No. And her motivation for keeping in touch with them may be to learn about how and what he is doing.

9. Calling You by Her Ex’s Name

It slips out. Maybe once a week or so. And she corrects herself, of course. She may even feel bad about doing this and say so, along with some sort of excuse.

But this is just one more thing that begins to wear on you and causes you to conclude that she’s not over her ex. So, how do you proceed?

What Are Your Options?

While you can’t control what’s in her head from day to day or week to week, you can control your response, and you do have a few options. None of them is really ideal, but then you’re dealing with a tough situation.

1. Have a Tough Discussion With Her

Lay it all out there – your feelings, your body of “evidence,” and her behaviors that are causing you to have issues. This is not the time to get emotional or to beg. It’s a time to be calm and direct. Set some boundaries that meet your expectations and ask her point blank if she is willing to live by them. This may mean that you get some couples counseling. If she is serious about making this relationship work, she will agree. If she becomes defensive and argumentative, you probably need to hang it up.

2. Focus on the Relationship, Not the Ex

Right now, her ex has taken up residency in your head, and you may be a bit obsessed with him. It may be time to go back and review Stockill’s video on retroactive jealousy and how to cope with it. And he has become a part of the relationship with your girlfriend – always in “the room” so to speak. Take the steps that Stockill recommends or get some individual help yourself. Of course, only you can decide if all of this work is worth it.

Related reading: Ex Still Renting Space in Your Head? 11 Tools to Break Free

3. Talk to One of Her Girlfriends

This is risky, to say the least. But you may have met some of those girlfriends by now and have an idea who might be truthful and give you honest advice. Hook up with her, tell her your concerns, and ask her how tapped into her ex your love still is. Depending on her answer, you may be able to make better decisions about moving forward.

4. Kick the Can Down the Road

This might be a crude way of putting it, but you may decide that there really is no future with her that will be satisfactory to you. She is obviously not over her ex, and your job is to accept that and bid farewell. Will it be painful? Of course. Will you survive? Of course. But here’s the thing. You’re a much wiser person now. Someone once said, “Be grateful of the difficult people who come into your life – they are your best teachers.

So, What Will it Be?

“Pick your poison,” so they say. If your girlfriend insists upon comparing you to her ex, and if her behaviors tell you she is still emotionally “connected” to him, you have the option of staying, working on it, and hoping that things will change or getting out. Neither of these will be pleasant, and the first option will mean work. Your choice.

Love&Sex Expert
Cherie Hamilton
I’ve always been inspired by women who are outgoing, very sure of themselves, and not afraid to be who they were, including their sex lives. Under their tutelage, I gradually shed my old self, hung out and socialized with them, and, over time, became the empowered, self-confident, and sexual woman I am today. Happy to share my insights with other women today!
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